Venting while Hungry

I cannot express to you how angry I am right now, at every damn thing you could possibly think of.

But let’s start with the thing that set me off over the tipping point just now. It is Saturday, ladies and gentlemen. One of my classes has two professors, who like to pick a group to answer certain questions every week, to be “on call.” I already hate this class. What makes me hate this class even more right now? Its saturday and we JUST got the fucking email letting us know that we are on call. The presentation is due Monday; and I am in no condition to drive to school right now because not only am I on that time of the goddamn month – I am hungry.

I have $30 to my bank account and no idea how I’m going to make it to the end of the month. PRAISE THE LORD all my bills are already paid and its just food and gas that I have to worry about. Oh and you know. the fucking $10 parking my school has to charge because they can get away with it.

So let’s go down the list.

- Last minute announcement of being on call with technically only one day to prepare

- On my time of the month

- Broke

- Hungry

- Somewhat significant other is a twat

- Don’t fucking feel like doing anything

- I feel gross all over and it has been confirmed that I am slightly gross by some guy who doesn’t even fucking know me

I think if I was any more irritated or hated my life any more, I would just go to a corner and curl up and die right now. Because I literally can’t.

I don’t even have wine in the house.

I’m fucking done with today. I’m done with law school. I’m done with myself. I need to go somewhere and cry because I am so over this bullshit.

**Update as I’m writing this – got another email saying my group is on call for the second day of class this week, not the first. To which I wanted to respond to the email with a resounding, “THANKS FOR THE FUCKING CLARIFICATION!” ** Yes. I am that pissed off right now.

Make time for what you love

I heard this all the time as a 1L, and have told this to my mentee on the first coffee meet we had.
Whatever you do that makes you happy, keep doing it when you get to law school. My thing is volunteering. It will probably continue to be volunteering for as long as I live.
Earlier tonight, I asked someone what they thought of that. Their response was, “my first thought is where does she find the time?!”

In the very wise words of one of my best LS friends: if it’s important to you, you will make time. If it’s not, you will make an excuse.

That being said, do what’s important to you, guys. Do what brings a smile to your heart.
💕

Just a thought.
Xox

What bugs me about law school.

Sometimes, you think you are doing the appropriate thing by being polite and friendly to people – in an attempt to connect.

Sometimes it works out. Other times, you realize what gigantic jerks people are. Take two very recent examples.

#1) I went to a mentoring reception the other night and did a little volunteering as well as networking. I remember being shy a year ago but through several experiences, have connected with some great people in the field. One in particular is a little older lady who is a fireball. I met her last year and she gave me her card, and I always kept it. When I saw her again at the reception (the same place I had met her last year), I introduced myself. “Hi Ms. xxx! Remember me? It’s XXX.”

She didn’t miss a beat. “Oh my goodness!! come here you! You are on fire!!” *pulls a board member over” “YYY have you met XXX?! This girl is on fire. She is a formula 1 racecar driver! Taking control of her life and blazing on! I am so proud of her!” I was blushing and smiling but thankful that she remembered me, because I had kept in touch with her via email over the year.

Case in point, to you aspiring law students or 1Ls – biggest lesson ever: ALWAYS FOLLOW UP. It can really get you places.

#2) there is an organization at school that seems to pride themselves on race. Being mixed, I always question whether I should gear towards the black group or the latin group. Because of my last name, I most often gravitate towards the latin group and just deal with the “You don’t speak spanish?” question with a grin. Recently, I decided that I shouldn’t limit myself. So I reached out to the black group and asked about how to go about paying dues and becoming an official member.

That was a week ago. No response. Uh huh. But you guys post every day on Facebook. And probably twitter. And hold weekly meetings. And encourage people to pay their dues.

I will see how much longer it takes to get a response, but I may just forget about the whole thing. What I’m learning is that I don’t have time for foolishness, and at the first sight of BS – I need to shove it right back out the door.

Just a thought.

Getting back on the wagon (#15byHalloween)

Even though I’ve been up since 5am yesterday, I am still up.. sipping detox tea (I love Yogi brand), letting the dishwasher run, and letting the crockpot crock. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned how much I love my crockpot. I love it.

I luhhhhvvvvv it. Lol Set it on high for 6 hours because I want to go for a run at 6am, and its good to go. Currently making cabbage soup because I remember my mum used to make it for me when I was chunky as a child.

Chunky no more! Lol Anyways. Back to work. Hoping to be asleep by 1:30am. Wish me luck.

Westlaw, Lexis, Bloomberg: where we stand now

Originally posted on The Lawyering Chronicles:

Some of my more successful posts have been my tutorials on how to rake in tons of points on Westlaw and Lexis, however things are very different this year.

Westlaw:

NO MORE WESTLAW POINTS!

This is pretty shocking in my opinion. I have always preferred using Westlaw even though there wasn’t a free Westlaw printer on campus. But now they don’t even give points anymore!! I used these points to get my wife pearl earrings, a legal dictionary and other goodies. They barely have any free gear anymore besides pens, highlighters and candy. I will still default to using Westlaw, but if I were a 1L this year, I would probably not.

Lexis:

So Lexis has totally revamped their research interface (Lexis Next :p) and I have to say it is tons better. Also the new Lexis will often include a Case Summary and Syllabus in front of every case…

View original 400 more words

From “Dare to Be a Compassionate Lawyer”

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For a while I’ve wondered if I’m too bloody caring for my own good lol look at how deep I analyze my own faults in something like dating! And the amount of energy I put into worthy causes… Many of my friends look at my like I’m crazy, every time I say I’m doing something new.

This article just came out in the ABA’s student lawyer magazine. It hit home. One quote in particular that stuck out:

“Legal education is a powerful drug; but if you’re not careful, it can drown out your instincts, stifle your emotion, and numb your heart. Law school molds and enhances your intellect, but frequently neglects to enlighten and illuminate your soul. The damage is predictable.
Great lawyers are more than just brilliant tacticians: They’re instinctive, heartfelt, caring, and real. No matter what else you do in law school, start learning how to be that type of lawyer.”
– Jordan Furlong

Cheers to that y’all 💋

When your heart runs rampant

It sometimes tends to do that, you know. And when it does…there’s this burning sensation in your chest. This anxiety that builds for almost no reason and every reason in the world.

I’m thankful that I’m not experiencing an attack right now. And for all I know this could just be heartburn. lol
But for some reason… My nerves are thrumming. And my heart is burning.

I’ve been talking a lot to the kid I’ve known since middle school. There must have been a timer installed into me when I started law school, that started ticking down as I began 2L year. Suddenly I’m thinking and concerned more than ever about dating, and marriage. I swing back and forth on a daily basis as to whether or not I want to get married or have kids. I see babies and toddlers and I feel the urge to love them and have them snuggle with me.

Side note: I realize that that is not a good reason to have kids. Having children because you want them to love you back spells recipe for disaster; because when that child rebels, you will feel incomplete as a person. So. I realize I need a pet first. Or a plant.

But I digress…
I’ve been talking to him a lot. Txting him. Calling him. Talking about having a relationship with him. It does concern me that he has a past. What probably concerns me more…is how he talks and few of his views. And every time I’ve found myself wanting to correct him on certain things… I keep my mouth shut. Especially with attitudes. Let me explain.

I had coffee with one of my bar association mentors on Friday. He is hispanic. One of the things he said to me that stood out is that he grows his hair long. Not because he likes it. But because it makes him look more white.

Yes. You read that right. My hispanic smartass well connected mentor encourages us mentees to dress “conservative.” In some or most cases… That means “white.”
I know that it probably offends some people.

I think on some level, it offends me.

But the truth is… Less than 4% of the entire US population of lawyers…are Latino. I don’t know what the numbers are for African American but since identify primarily with being hispanic – I know the hispanic/Latino numbers.
I also came into law school knowing that as a bi-racial woman…
You know that song, “this is a man’s world!”

“This is a white old man’s world!”
That’s what I came into school knowing. And I have struggled with it since day 1. I may not have talked about it that much, but i honestly do. And sometimes, I don’t even feel like I fit in with the Hispanics or the African Americans either. It bothers me…but not enough to keep me up at night.

Back to my friend. He has the tendency to come off… Ignorant. He has the stereotypical attitudes of someone who is ignorant: thinks all cops are out to harass black men in low income neighborhoods, thinks that swearing every other word is socially appropriate, etc.
My responses have typically been, “You think that about police officers because you’ve never seen them in any other capacity” and “watch your language.”
But do I think that the reason officers would never stop me or harass me unless I was doing a crime stems from the fact that I am light skin, wear nerd glasses and typically dress professional or conservative? Yes. Because they see me carrying books and jamming out to country music? Probably.

I don’t know if I’m ashamed to admit that or not. I really don’t. I think some people would say, “that’s racist! What happened to equality?!”

That’s a really good question. What happened to judging someone on their skills in the courtroom rather than how well they’re dressed, if their hair is frizzy or nappy, if they swear a little more than others. What happened to skill rather than skin?

I have no idea. What I DO know is that I have a genuine concern about dating someone who, beyond being arrested twice, swears every other word, twists his hair, has a not-so-kept beard, and sounds ghetto as hell. I think I feel this way because I have come to learn that appearances matter A LOT in this field. It’s why we wear suits to a courtroom – we have respect and professionalism in the face of Justice. And if I’m shelling out $200k for my education plus God knows what else for the bar exam, I want to exude respect and professionalism when people meet me as well as my spouse.
He doesn’t have to be a lawyer, though I will say that I have an entirely different thought process about the kind of partner I want in life. He has to be on my level or at least around it; if I’m a female who came from a single parent home and has hustled to get through high school, college and then law school, figuring things out on my own – I expect my partner to have done the same or more, Or at least be pursuing his dreams and goals ambitiously with some kind of progress. No husband of mine will ever sit on his ass and use me as a platform; fuck you I’ve worked way too hard to get where I am.

I guess my bottom line is (I need to get to it, this post is all over the place and if you’ve stuck with me this far, God bless you lol):
I seem to be really concerned about whether I want to be married or have kids in the future. And I seem to be seriously considering those around me who haven’t completely pissed me off, as candidates. And I’m kind of concerned with appearances because I feel like they affect my credibility and career.

I’m hoping that I will grow out of it. But I think this is just part of growing as a person and acknowledging certain things about myself, truthfully.
At 24, I do hope to grow more and hopefully not hurt people along the way.

Just a really long thought.

xox