Me rn. Lol
Boo. Lol Called car insurance company, and they informed me of the real situation. So, no free money. Lol
So first off…
Top of the morning to ya! Its 7:30am and I kid you not, I laid in bed for 20 mins (you know… after the hour I spent trying to go back to sleep) trying to convince myself that today – though Monday – would be doable. I was supposed to wake up at 5:30 this morning to read for a class… didn’t happen. So… I’ll be catching up in the hour between classes this evening.
Then the thought hit me that I have $20…and all day parking at my school is about $13. My credit cards are maxed out (I just can’t beat the interest charges… in my defense, they are maxed out because I used them to pay the lawyer to help get mum a green card), annnddd… I don’t really have any food.
I went into my kitchen and breathed deep… and make some green tea and oatmeal. Want to hear something funny? This oatmeal came all the way from Florida with me when I moved in 2013. Before I moved, I packed a box of food: ramen, applesauce, oatmeal, canned soup. Basically non-perishables. When times got tight as a 1L, I had that box to lean back on. I’ve still got the oatmeal, clearly, and couple of packets of ramen in the pantry. Lol So – law students – if you take anything from that little story, it is this: pack a box of food and keep it there! Lol
Anyways, to the point of the title. I got an email from my car insurance company last night saying that they requested a payment to be made to my bank account. It’s a few hundred dollars and I immediately thought, “Uhhh.. But I thought I got reimbursed for everything already?”
I checked this morning, and it turns out they are reimbursing me for the rental car costs. After I saw the message, I quite literally looked up (“Thank you God!”), and checked my account. The payment hasn’t hit yet but here’s hoping it will be in there by tomorrow.
For now, I’m going to be making a lot of PB sandwiches and packing a lot of greek yogurt. Hey, at least its healthy. Lol
So, after waking up this morning and realizing that my triceps were incredibly sore – I thought, “If I can just keep this up, it will be really good for me.” So, I made myself get dressed to go to the gym for a run and found the perfect fitness challenge photo to keep me focused.
Yesterday was yoga, today was a run… who knows what I will do tomorrow? But the point is that I know its possible.
Updates will be coming! Off to the gym now.
I’m not necessarily pleased that my last few posts have been so depressing. But.. as always.. I tend to be pretty truthful about my life and what I’m going through, good and bad. And lately… there’s just been a lot of frustration and realization about myself. But mainly frustration.
In all my 24 years on this earth, I don’t think I’ve ever been known as a person who has had a lot of patience. Right now, I can say without a doubt that it hasn’t changed. When things don’t seem to be moving, I get frustrated. Just off the top of my head, here is what’s going on:
1) 12 years later – I’ve written about one of my good friends who I’ve known for 10 years. He took my virginity. We’ve been friends through thick and thin. But he’s not the one I’m going to talk about today. Today I’m going to talk about… my first love. Ever. Ever ever. I’ve known this boy for 12 years, ladies and gentlemen. We went to elementary school together, middle school together, and when I moved to Florida in 2004, I used to write him long letters and sit in the closet on the phone with him and talk about everything under the moon. For a while, I had been saving myself for him and him for me. Oh how puberty is a bitch. Lol
I’ve tried to stay in contact with him over the years, but the way our lives went… talk about a drastic two different directions. He’s been arrested at least twice, probably dealt drugs at some point, I’m not even sure when he graduated from high school. He used to be so smart and kind and sweet… and around the time I had to move to Florida, his father was murdered. I don’t think he ever quite recovered, though after the very first convo we had this morning in a long time – I’m hoping there’s still a chance. Meanwhile… well. You know where I am. I don’t have a squeaky clean past either but I think the most I have to show for it (thank God) is a large but well placed tattoo.
The point of me mentioning him however… is that he’s been on my mind A LOT over the last two weeks. I’ve had dreams about him, looked up his record just to see if I could get an address or phone number, tried to reach him on Facebook and via his old email address. I don’t know why… I just have. Out of the blue, around midnight last night, he responded to my Facebook message with an explanation and a phone number. So I called him this morning. He sounded so tired, and had said that he just needed to sleep for an hour because he works overnight cleaning trains. I don’t know how that works – but my biggest relief was that he said he had a legal (as in, not illegal) job and homework because he’s in school. I’m pretty sure he’s somewhere in Maryland, and I’m hoping I can go see him at some point but I’m hoping to have more than $40 in my pocket when that time comes. Right now, I’m so broke its giving me a headache.
He did call me back, and we talked for 2 hours. Two hours. I don’t think I talk to my best girlfriends that long without running out of things to say. But for the first time in a long time… I heard the difference in his voice and mindset. I wanted to tell him… he would make a really great pastor. I think i might still tell him before the night is out. But it just feels good to talk to him again and see how he’s doing. I’m very proud of all the changes he’s made so far, and I hope that things continue to grow positively for him. Truly.
2) Summer 2015 jobs - excuse my language but this practice and law school itself can go fuck itself right now. I haven’t applied to any summer 2015 jobs and if you think my anxiety was bad a few nights ago. Ha! So why don’t I do anything about it? I don’t have time to write a cover letter for every. single. firm. Any other law students out there right now, I’m sure you have had great motivation to do this. As someone who has been having to prove herself all her damn life, I just don’t feel like it right now. BUT – I do have a goal. Today is the 27th. My goal is to apply to 20 firms by October 1st. Can I do it??! who wants to take bets?? Lol
3) When yoga goes awry – I mentioned lack of patience. I’m not kidding. I did yoga this morning for 30-40 minutes and once it hit that mark, I just gave up. Part of me felt great for even making it that far but my goodness how to people do this for an hour at a time?!! It sort of seems that way for almost everything; I put in what I think is a decent amount of work or time and then I don’t see results and I get frustrated. Not a great quality to have at the moment.
4) Personal life – I know what you’re thinking; there’s a personal life inside of this one? Lol yes, there is. And let’s just say my personal life isn’t doing that great due to lack of self esteem, lack of money, lack of companionship, lack in general. Again, I keep trying to change my attitude or change my circumstances… it’s just not budging. But, I haven’t given up yet. So I guess that says something.
5) My mother – I’m currently somewhere between worried about my mom and also feeling like a heartless wretch. I have been calling and texting her every day since the incident, but also reminding her that if she wants to change her life, she’s got to put some effort into it. When she complains that she doesn’t have friends, I recommend that she goes to church. It’s a damn good start. So let’s see if she does even that. I’m supposed to fly down to see her next weekend. In the meantime, I have a funeral to go to, have to visit my judge, have to have a coffee meet up with my mentor, and a few other appointments before I fly out on Friday morning. It’s definitely going to be go-go-go for the next 7-10 days.
Meanwhile, I need to start keeping carrots at my desk. I keep eating peanut butter sandwiches because that’s all I can afford right now. And you know… taco bell. lol
Laters lovelies xox