The past few weeks have been pretty hectic. I remember sitting outside of school one night, in late May, thinking, “It’s silent. Its eerily quiet. This is the calm before the storm.”
Boy was I right.
I am currently studying for my last final exam, Evidence, which is on tuesday. My internship with the judge and my part time job ends on August 1st, so basically by the end of this coming week – everything will be done.
Then I’ll have 5 days to pack and clean and move. What happens after that? I have absolutely no idea. I’ve missed a good deal of deadlines to apply to firms through on campus recruiting for my school. I feel like, just like last recruiting season, I am behind the ball.
I’ve learned my lesson – I cannot overload myself. It may be impressive to some people, but a lot of people also realize that this insane rat-race to try to prove things to people is just that: insane. Nobody should have to be an overachiever just to get a mediocre job. that’s the gist of it.
So, I’m getting back to studying in a few minutes, but wanted to sort of check in and let you guys know I’m alive lol There are a few other things happening, but I don’t want to write about them just yet. I think they are good changes, but I need to exercise some patience to wait and see.
Something else that has been on my mind slightly is how many social media profiles I have. I have this blog, my anonymous diary; I also have a personal/professional FB, an anon FB, an anon twitter, my nike running app posts my fitness feeds (sometimes), LinkedIn… Each profile, however, is compartmentalized from the other. No one profile shows all of me; there are things I say on my anon fb that I most certainly cannot say on my personal fb. There are things I can’t quite say on here until I’m good and ready. Its very… separated and someone what stressful because I’m constantly logging out of one to post my immediate thoughts on the other.
I think what that tells me is that… I wear many masks. When I’m with someone, I wear one mask and don’t care what others might think when they see it; but then I go to school or come home, and its a different mask. …Am I ever completely myself with anyone? That’s what’s on my mind.
There’s been a lot of revaluation going on in my life lately. This is added to the pile. Who am I? Where am I going in law? Where do I want to be in 5 years truly? What about my dating habits? Why can’t I commit to a gym routine and a healthy weight loss? Why do I hide so many different pieces from so many people? Why am I trying so goddamn hard?
… I know how honest I can be with my self. How honest can I be with the rest of the world? Or.. as DC appears to be run on it, in high power political fights and secrets that hide behind doors… shall discretion become a permanent part of my life?
Maybe it’s just the old saying of “keep your business to yourself” that’s bothering me.